My hubby and I have always planned on having kids. I knew that starting a family wouldn’t be easy. I’m not just referring to the financial aspects of raising a child. I’m talking about how our children would be perceived.
There was a good chance that our child would have darker features like me. There was also a good chance that he or she would have very fair skin and blue eyes like my hubby, who had blond hair growing up. I also knew there was a good chance that our baby would have a head full of golden locks too.
No matter how light or dark, we would love our baby unconditionally. But, the one thing I wasn’t ready for was the question, “Is she yours?” I remember being asked that question before becoming a mom. I have a niece who is also biracial. She’s half Puerto Rican and half Jamaican. She and I were joined at the hip when she was a baby. People would always compliment how cute she was, and ask if she was mine. I’d say thanks and answer the question without giving it a second thought.
A few years later my nephew, who is black, arrived. Like my niece, we were joined at the hip. Everyone assumed he was mine. I recall people telling me, “I thought he was yours all this time.” I didn’t mind. After all, he was one of the most beautiful babies I had ever seen. I’m not just saying that because he’s my nephew.
Now that I have a daughter of my own I get asked that question all over again. “Is she yours?” I feel like saying, “for the last time she’s mine!” But of course, I politely say yes instead. I must admit it can get annoying. I always knew there would be a chance that I’d look like the nanny and I’ve come to terms with that. My daughter is beautiful, and I’m so happy that God has blessed me with her.
I’ve come up with some do’s and don’t for when you encounter a biracial child with his or her parent:
1. If you see a woman with a child, don’t assume she’s the nanny.
2. I find that when my hubby, Princess, and I are together everyone assumes that we are a family. If you see a mom or dad with a biracial child, do the same.
3. Do compliment. Parents love to be told how gorgeous their child is. That way if you happen to say, “you have a beautiful daughter” you give that person the opportunity to either say “thanks” or “no she’s my niece.” Get my drift?
4. Don’t give nasty or blank stares. We hate those. My hubby actually confronted someone for doing that. Person became embarrassed.
5. Do look over with a smile. It shows kindness.
6. Don’t use words like mutts or half breeds when describing mixed raced kids. That’s just plain rude. We prefer biracial.
7. Do ask about race. It’s okay to ask someone about his or her background, as long as it’s done nicely in the proper setting. In other words, you don’t want to stop a complete stranger and ask what race the kid is.
8. Most importantly, do use common sense.
Weather Anchor Mama
I got this a lot when we were out. My husband is Black, Native American and Italian. So, our daughter was born with very fair skin. People would assume I was the nanny or that her dad was Hispanic.
Really? Sometimes people are nice in their approach. But there are times when it’s done in poor taste. How do you handle it?
I should post the exact same post! For over 3 years, my step-daughter was joined at my hip and people actually assumed I was her mother even though she’s half Jamaican, half Russian {i’m Chinese – go figure}. When our son was born {he’s half Jamaican, half Chinese}, I have gotten endless “is he yours?” comments. It’s annoying but it goes with the territory, I guess. I know I could be perceived as the nanny when I’m out with my son without my husband but that’s okay. My son loudly and proudly calls me “Mama” every few seconds so even stupid people would get the hint.
I remember one instance when I was picking my step-daughter up from school with my husband and she screamed “Hi Daddy!!” and this boy goes to me “Why does she call him Daddy?”. My response? “Why do you call your Dad, Daddy?”. Silence. I know it was probably an innocent question coming from a kid but I had to stand up for my step-daughter.
Thanks for sharing! You handled that so well! I’m taking notes. That’s how you have to be. There were times when I’d see a biracial child and a mom or dad who looked different. I never wanted to be rude and flat out probe. If it came up, then it came up. Otherwise I’d just assume it’s mommy or daddy out with their little one. Whether the blood line is the same or not, if he/she’s your child then that’s it. I’ll be on the lookout for that post! 🙂
Great post! My husband or I haven’t had any questions like that yet, but Aryana is still young!
This is so common with biracial families. I was like you, I didn’t think it would bother me that much but it definitely did when it happened. People need to be a little more considerate for sure when asking questions about other’s babies. Most importantly, why would you assume I am the nanny (nothing wrong with that but I would think the assumption is that I am the mother. Weird.
That’s great! For me it started right when she was born. Some black babies are actually born extremely light and later develop pigmentation. Some people questioned me from the very beginning and I said that to them. I actually believed that she would get a little darker, and she did a little. But, that’s ok. She’s beautiful. I think I’m much better prepared to answer questions about her complexion.
Exactly! You’re so right Pegster!
I hate to sound ‘preachy’ but def don’t let other’s opinions get you down, many people are unfortunately still living in the dark ages. Just remember to be there for your child throughout their life, because as they get older they will be asked frequently (and later in the absence of your presence) and may sometimes even feel forced to choose between one race or the other and subsequently feel alienated. I am half white and half Puerto Rican and felt that neither side wanted to wholly accept me as being uniquely me and BOTH ethnicities. Make sure she stays true to herself and can confidently endure the tough times with your support, whether you are by her side or not.
And omg, you are so very blessed to have one of the most beautiful babies I have EVER seen! #jussayin
Thanks Rena! I often find myself speaking to biracial peeps like yourself. It’s good to know about their experiences. I remember being a kid growing up and finding a connection with other little girls from the islands- like myself. Sometimes things are easier when you find someone who can share your struggles.
Awww! Thanks Rena!