“Great! Another hair filled weekend,” is what my husband would say whenever I began my hair routine. I’d usually roll my eyes, laugh it off, and continue with my regimen. But, in the back of my head I wondered if it really bothered him.
I remember the conversation we had when I decided to ditch the relaxer. He didn’t seem to understand the work it would take to maintain my natural hair. But as soon as I mentioned that I would no longer be spending money at salon every week, he was all in.
However, he had an about face when he realized that doing my hair took away from our family time. When I asked what he thought of my 4c texture, he responded by saying “it’s okay.” I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t digging my natural look. Who could blame him? This is not how he met me.
We did talk about my natural hair journey prior to transitioning. I wanted to prepare him. After all, he had never seen my hair in its original state. I even had him do the honors of performing my big chop. He snipped away my relaxed locks with no problem. Yet still I wonder whether or not this journey would ruin our marriage.
I wondered if he was still attracted to me. I even asked which texture he preferred, “straight,” he replied. I asked him how my edges felt, “rough and hard,” he answered.
“Did I make the right decision,” I asked myself.
I’ve been natural for over a year now. Our lives have gotten busier with the recent birth of our second child. I’ve managed to come up with a hair routine that doesn’t seem to sacrifice too much quality time. In fact, the less I fuss with my locks, the more it thrives and the less my husband complains.
I recently asked him again what he thought of my decision to go natural. Rather than make a weird face or say something sarcastic he said, “it’s great.” He went on to say that he didn’t really care about hair. “It just not that important to me,” he added. He did admit to having preconceived notions. But after seeing how much happier I’ve become, he realized it was the right decision for me.
My journey back to natural has taught me so much about my hair. But I’ve also learned that this isn’t just my own journey. My entire family has become a part of it. Whenever someone asks me for advice about taking that step toward rediscovering their curly roots, I tell them to keep the communication lines open with their loved ones (especially their significant other). Also, be considerate. In other words, don’t be hauled up in the bathroom styling your hair.
Let’s face it; going natural can be difficult. It’s important to have as much support as possible, and also understand that it may take some people a little while to get used to the change. I’m so glad I have a husband who loves me no matter what my hair texture is.
How did your significant other handle your hair journey?
It’s good that you shared this. I’m sure this conversation has gone on in many houses over the past few years. It’s does take time. I spend more time doing my girls hair than I do my own. I use to spend more time on my own hair but now I style it quicker ways and wash it less often…but it’s because I can. I can’t let their hair go for days without attention. Curly textured hair needs LOTS of attention. I’m so glad God blessed me with patience in that area because I lack it in so many other ways. But I want my girls to love their hair and know that I love it too. I don’t want them growing up not knowing how to style it or thinking it’s not something that’s important. I tell them almost everyday how beautiful they are to me and how much I love their curls. I’m glad your husband has come to terms with it. I’m sure it was a transition for everyone and he probably didn’t understand how much it was for you to deal with at the same time. I don’t understand because I have to spend that much time on my hair but I understand because of my children. I see curly hair and appreciate the time that women spend on their hair in a WHOLE new way. The journey with them has also helped me appreciate my wavy hair (often frizzy) which use to bother me in my younger years. Good post….love this.
Great post! As I mentioned on Instagram on one of your pics, I recently took out my weave. I wore my natural hair (straightened of course) for a few days and could not deal! I am now wearing a wig, lol! My husband loves my natural hair but I don’t. I went natural to help my hair grow but it is not growing as fast as it did when I was pregnant with a few years ago. :/
Thanks Christie! I don’t even know what to do with my hair if it were straightened. People keep asking me to straighten it to see the length. I’m in no rush. Wig is the way to go! I’m sure your natural hair is gorg!
Absolutely! The longer it gets, the harder it becomes. I know exactly what you mean about our daughters hair. I tackle it on a separate day all together. Thanks Jessie!
My husband really didn’t care whether my hair was kept natural or relaxed. He met me as a relaxed head. However, I do know he likes me better with my hair straight and that’s because I wear my hair out more and do different styles when it’s straight. I was relaxed for so long that I knew how to style straight hair. However, I’m not so good with styling natural hair so it is up most of the time and he hates that. I’m just style challenged. As a result of my style challenge and his desire to see my hair down more, I have debated going back to relaxed or even just “heat training” my hair to fulfill his wishes.
I’m style challenged too. The women on YouTube are a huge help. Have you checked them out? The longer mine get, the harder it is. I love braid outs.
I don’t know how old this post is, but I’ve been watching your weather reports for years now, and I always comment that I find your weave/wig to really detract from your natural beauty. I’ve even written a song called “the ballad of stacey ann” about how I wish you would just sport a small afro because it would definitely compliment your natural facial structure, which i often liken to a fine alabaster sculpture of an Egyptian princess.
Chris Rock’s documentary on Black women’s seemingly pathological relationship with their hair really made me think. I’m sure you’ve seen it, but if not, you should check it out. The money spent on hair is absurd, not to mention the wall it puts between a man Men want to be able to stroke their women’s hair. Not possible with the weaves and wigs.
Ok Stacey Ann, I am looking forward to the day when I turn on news 12 and you are sporting a short natural hairstyle.
Lol! Thanks so much Manny! That’s the plan. I want to grow my natural hair out a bit before I rock the curls.
Well, however you do it, just know there are people out there rooting for you.
Oh, and if you see Alisha Laventure around, tell her I’m in love with her!
On a different note, I was at the site of that train derailment today since i live right nearby. Damn, that was a bad scene. I used to be in News myself, but got out of it. I wrote for the Riverdale Press back in 2007.
Sorry to here Manny. I’ll be sure to pass along the message to Alisha!:)
I appreciate reading this post as it felt honest and upfront. I am Nigerian, 6-7 months post my big chop and my husband is Caucasian. He also met and married me when I relaxed my hair. I took discussing my natural hair journey with him seriously and showed him the YouTube videos that inspired me to make my natural hair decision and got him onboard before undergoing this tedious process. By including him in my decision it made things much easier. I was honest to myself to know I didn’t care for the “rock your short curls” look and therefore was not sensitive when he didn’t like it either! Instead I opted for curly braids, which he had never seen on me before and he loved the look. I loved it too and it was so easy to do because I was forced to learn how to braid my own hair! Now 6-7 months in, I’m deciding to take my braids down for good and “unleash the curls/beast(?)” -lol- in a couple weeks and we are both excited. My husband has been a constant source of support, sympathizes with the amount of work it takes for me to care for my hair, and seen the awesome results of my decision just by looking at how thick my hair has gotten! We both love how curly my hair is, and we both can’t wait for me to have my cute curly afro. Good luck on your journey and thanks again for adding your perspective!
That’s awesome Maureen!Sometimes it takes work on our part to educate our men. Congrats on your journey! I’m sure your hair is gorg!