Every time someone touches one of my children I want to say, “Hey keep your filthy paws of my kid!” I do realize that sounds a bit “stank.” But, I can’t stand it when people feel the need to put their hands on my child’s face or hair.
I should preface my saying that there are exceptions to the rule. For instance, hugs and kisses from close family members and friends are okay – provided they don’t kiss them on the lips, of course. As far as anyone running their fingers through my kids’ hair, that’s not ok. Princess and I recently had a uncomfortable encounter in which a lady couldn’t keep her hands off. Here’s a play by of the awkward situation.
Princess will be attending kindergarten next year, and we’re in the process of choosing a school. Since our district performs below state standards, we’ve decided that private school would be the best option. I heard great things about a particular private school in the area, and made an appointment for a tour.
With minutes of our visit, I noticed that the administrator kept touching Princess’s hair. I counted in my head about four times in less than a minute. Each stroke, I grew more and more agitated.
Random questions began popping up in my head. Do I tell her to keep her filthy paws of my kid? Do I just stay silent and pray for it to stop? Before I could say anything the woman went from touching Princess’s hair to cupping her face. By this time, I could feel steam shooting out of my ears. She had been explaining the school’s music program, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I interrupted her mid-sentence, put my hand up between my daughter’s face and the woman’s hand and said, “I’m sorry, could you not do that. I have a problems with germs.” It was hard to get through this awkward moment, but I managed to escape the best way I knew how – I quickly changed the subject by refocusing our attention on the music program.
I do realize that not everyone would have handled the situation this way. Some may feel I was a bit harsh. I could have just kept silence and allowed this woman to continue to violate my child’s personal space. But, I couldn’t do it. As parents, we are our children’s advocate. I feel like staying quiet would mean that it’s okay. I teach my daughter about the importance of respecting people’s personal space with the hope that if she’s ever in a situation where she’s uncomfortable, then she’ll have the confidence to speak up. Kids learn by example. I’ve always believed that people treat you according to how you allow them to treat you. I do understand that stroking a child’s hair or caressing a child’s face could be interpreted as a form of affection. But not always, and certainly not if you’re a stranger. We’ve never met this woman before. She had been touching her keys, coughing, and then putting her filthy hands on my kid. There was no way I was going to stand by and do nothing.
How do you feel about people touching your child?
I don’t have children, but I have young relatives with whom I’m frequently out. My mother never let anyone touch my face when I was little, and I certainly will not allow it in my little cousins or my future child. It’s rude, presumptuous, and unsanitary. I’m a germaphobe, and cringe at the thought, but even if I weren’t, it would still be a problem. Such an invasion of personal space is never okay, and we all need to recognize and teach our children that. Kudos to you for speaking up!
I know what you mean – I think childcare providers do this to make you feel at ease that they are a caring environment. I’m sure she meant well, but It drives me nuts as well. Props to you for sticking to your guns!
it is never easy to tell someone not to touch your kids. But when the circumstances calls for it. There is just no subtle and at. I might say it with as much grace, but the person receiving the message, might have some ill-feelings towards you. So, as there is no ice-breaking moments in a situation like this. I just be frank with it and say, “I would prefer if you not touch my child’s face and/or hair, thank you.” As far as germs go, that would be the last thing I would want to say, since we cannot be with them 24/7, and some ways to combat germs might not always be the preventative measure of the day; but it all boils down to your approach and telling your kids what is off-limits to strangers. Up to this day, can nobody put their hands on my (now 10 years old) son. He either tells them,”my mommy says it’s inappropriate to touch my face/hair). So I know he now has control over that. And when I’m with him, and I see the approach, I stop them in mid-stream of the touch.
I don’t have any kids but I do know what it’s like to have someone run their I-don’t-know-where-they-have-been-and-don’t-want-to-know hands in my hair. It is so rude! To add insult to injury, a couple of women actually acted offended when I reacted to negatively to their caressing. There is nothing special about my hair. I have been told that it looks very healthy. But this is nothing compared to what happened to my sister. When she was pregnant, some woman, a perfect stranger, walked up to her in the grocery store and caressed her stomach!!! O M G. Who does that? Who walks up to strangers to caresses their stomachs?