You’ve heard the phrase, “kids say the darnedest things.” Princess is the epitome of that statement. She’s very outspoken and says exactly what’s on her mind. She asks the toughest questions – you’d think she’s a lawyer or something. She recently asked where do babies come from, and now she’s asking about gay parents. Let me explain.
We were all seated at the dinner table when she asked her friend, “Where’s your Daddy?”
“He’s not here,” she answered.
“But, where is he?” she asked again.
“He doesn’t live with me,” she replied. “I pretend _____ is my Daddy. I have two moms.” she said.
Before it went on any further, I stopped the interrogation and told Princess to “leave it alone.”
I knew that one day the subject of “gay parents” would come up, but I had no idea it would be this soon. I imagined that at some point I’d have to explain to my children why a classmate lives with either two moms or two dads. I also knew that one day I’d have to explain all about gay marriage.
As simple as it is for me to talk to my daughter about race, for some reason it’s hard to approach the subject of gay relationships. And it’s even harder for my husband.
We’ve talked about how we would approach the topic with our kids, but I’m not sure we’ve ever come to an agreement though. When it comes to stuff like this, he and I are always on the opposite ends of the spectrum.
I equate my philosophy to constipation – at some point you just have to get it out or face a major problem down the road. He takes on the “don’t mention it and everything will work itself out” approach. That’s fine and dandy when they’re babies, but ultimately no one can ignore the elephant in the room. When they’re old enough to notice a little girl always being accompanied by two women with no man in the picture, they’re going to ask questions.
That’s exactly what happened the other day. Princess has asked about this little girl’s dad before, but has never been this persistent in wanting to know more about the family dynamic.
So, later that night I revisited the conversation.
“Remember when you asked ________ about her Dad,” I asked.
“Yes. Her she pretends that _________ is her dad,” she responded.
“You know there are some kids who have two moms or two dads?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said.
“If you have any questions about anything I want you to know that you can ask me anything okay?” I added.
“Yes,” she said.
In retrospect, I’m kind of glad the little girl explained it. Sometimes kids understand kids better than they do adults.
The next step is for us to discuss the topic of gay marriage. I’ll let you know how that discussion goes. We’re taking this one step at a time.
Have you ever explained gay parents to your children? How did you approach the subject?
Photo Credit: Earthworm
In my neighborhood, there were two separate families that were both same sex unions. We had play dates with the kids. One of my work colleagues was also in a same sex union and had adopted two kids. Now, in all cases, the kids were adopted from China. So, one day, my daughter, who was probably about 4 1/2 or 5 years old at the time, saw an Asian woman with her daughter and proceeded to ask her when had she adopted her. Yes, my daughter thought all Chinese children were adopted by their parents. I had to explain to her that most Chinese children were born and living with their birth parents.
Now to answer your question. I explained to her that every family was different. Some families were made of moms and dads of the same race. Some were made of moms and dads of different races. Some families had two moms and some families had two dads. But what all the families had in common was that they loved each other.
That is all.
Well said! I think it’s so important to keep an open dialogue with kids.