I’ve prepared myself for discussing race with my kids, as a way of helping them find their racial identity. But, what happens when the subject comes up with other children? Should you talk about race with other parents’ kids?
We had just returned from a class trip. As the class lined up to wash their hands for lunch, one of my daughter’s classmates approached us and asked, “Why are you different colors?”
I’m rarely ever at a loss for words, but for some reason I was completely caught off guard. I had no idea how to respond to this very curious child, so I asked her to repeat herself in order to give myself time to think of a reply, and to make sure I heard her correctly.
“Why does your skin look different,” she asked.
Rather than break out with a lesson on how interracial couples make biracial babies, I held out my hands and said, “I don’t know. Because God made it that way.” Then I put my hands next to her olive skin and added, “Look, yours is different too.”
I wouldn’t want another parent speaking with my kids about race. So, I was careful not to address the topic head on because I wouldn’t want to overstep my boundaries.
I’m happy with the way I handled the little girls question, but I’m left wondering why some parents don’t talk to their kids about race.
According to the NYTimes, many white parents are uncomfortable talking with their children directly about race. The article sites a 2007 study by the Journal of Marriage and Family, which claims that nonwhite parents are about three times more likely to discuss race than white parents.
In the NurtureShock column of Newsweek, writers Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman address the issue based on a survey done at the Children’s Research Lab at the University of Texas.
There were some families who later declined to participate in the study saying, “We don’t want to have these conversations with our child. We don’t want to point out skin color.”
The six families who stayed were instructed to talk openly about interracial friendships. And, for all six, their children dramatically improved their racial attitudes in a single week.
These studies were done years ago, but it does put things into perspective as to why the same practices continue today. Some parents choose to avoid talking about race with their children because they just don’t know how to approach the subject, and they don’t want their kids to say the wrong things.
Growing up my hubby said his family avoided the topic like most white families. He lived in a mostly white neighborhood, but the fact that he attended a predominately black school taught him about racial tolerance.
My family didn’t shy away from the subject at all. In fact, it was talked about quite a bit. Even though there are different races in Jamaica, the United States is a whole different ball of wax. Back home we were connected through culture, here in America we had to assimilate and that required being educated about race and culture.
Now that we are parents raising biracial kids, we want to ensure that they understand race. I think it’s important to have that open dialogue with them to alleviate potential problems in the future.
I want them to feel comfortable in all kinds of settings, whether they’re one of many biracial kids or the only ones in a room filled with people of other races and ethnicities.
As for the little girl in my daughter’s class, I’m tempted to bring up our discussion with her mom when I see her. But, I’m not sure how well it will go over. I guess I’ll play it by ear.
How would you handle the situation? Should you talk about race with other peoples’ kids?
This is one of the topics that makes me angry. Most white families don’t talk about race, for a number of reasons. They may be afraid they’ll say the wrong thing because they themselves are not educated on race. They might be nervous that talking about race might somehow make their children hyper-aware of race. I’ve even heard some say that talking about race alone is racist.
I raise my kids in a home where we talk about race daily. I don’t believe in color blindness. It’s not reality. If it was, discrimination would not be so prevalent. We talk about inequality with our six year old. We talk about shades and hues. We talk about culture and ethnicity and color and identity. It’s important stuff.
I think it’s sad that more white folks don’t talk about race. It’s sad that many white folks still actively or passively participate in segregation, for whatever reason. White families don’t understand it…some probably have no idea…but they are the ones who perpetuate the system of racism…simply by avoiding what everyone else cannot…discussions about race.
Chantilly Patiño – why do you hate Whites? Do you support other races being erased? What a sickness.