I’ve taken my kids to many play dates and birthday parties when the inevitable happens. A couple of kids end up fighting over one toy. It’s an awkward moment where one kid is told by her parent to “share” while handing the toy over to the other child.
I’ve seen this happen so many times, and have come to the realization that sharing isn’t always caring. In fact, it often sends the wrong message.
Princess loves making new friends. She’s always been the type of little girl who likes to share her toys. But there have been times when a child would take a doll from her without permission as she’s playing with it. As a parent, it’s tough to watch because no one wants to see their little one being taken advantage of.
When this happens, the Mama Bear in me wants to swoop in and take back the toy for my daughter. However, I’m a firm believer that kids should also learn to resolve conflict on their own.
I’d later tell Princess to never let someone force her to forfeit any toy while she’s playing with it. “If she wants to play with the toy, just tell her to wait until your finished with it next time,” I say.
I believe this is an important lesson that kids should learn early on. They need to know how to stand their ground, and not let people take advantage of them. What happens when someone wants her lunch, should she give that up too? Absolutely not!
This principal also rings true for siblings too. My kids are ALWAYS fighting over toys. Nine out of ten times it’s O yanking away a toy from Princess. I’ll admit there have been times when I’d ask her to just give up the toy because I didn’t want to deal with a toddler meltdown. But, then I realize that’s not helping the situation.
There are also some toys that O doesn’t allow anyone to play with, and that’s okay. Those toys are special to him and are off limits.
We recently talked about what it means to share and why it’s not always a good thing.
“It’s okay to lend a toy, if you’re not using it,” I tell my kids. We also talk about other ways of sharing like drinking from the same cup as someone, which is no no. “If you drink out of the same cup, you might get germs,” I explain. With the amount of illnesses that get past around at school, sharing a drink could mean passing a virus.
At the end of the day, it’s all about respect and waiting your turn. When you abruptly take a toy away from child and give it to another, you interrupt the child’s focus who’s originally playing with the toy. This type of thing can also lead to lack of self confidence. You also teach the receiving child that they’re entitled to the toy.
Now when my kids fuss over a toy, I stand back and let them handle it on their own. If that doesn’t work, I resolve the issue by finding another fun activity to do.
What are your thoughts on sharing?
I like this post! I’ve never known how to handle this situation and this provides some guidance. My daughter is watched at home but when we go to Church, she stay in the “tree room” where kids can play with toys while parents listen to the sermon. I often find it a little trying when my daughter is playing with something and someone else snatches it from her. I tell her “just find something else.” But perhaps I’m not sending her the right message. Will try your approach next week Sunday :-).
It’s tough out there. Lines get blurred when teaching core values like “sharing” while still fostering independence in kids. Someone once said that if you buy a new tv, it comes with a thick manual and when parents go home with babies, they go home with a single piece of paper (birth certificate. Liked reading your thoughts on this.