The other day I check my inbox to find an extremely long email from a woman who I don’t know. At first glance I think, “how sweet.” She goes on to say she is very familiar with my work and like most fans, debated on how many pregnancies I’ve had. After some online research, she stumbles across my blog. That’s when the tone of her email changes.
This woman begins explaining why she “despises dark women of color like myself who wear weaves.” For the record I wear a wig, but whatever. Her opinion of me has changed upon learning that I’m “another self-hating dark black woman married to a white man who was the mother of biracial children.” The tongue-lashing continues as she makes all kinds of accusations, including questioning the love I have for my so called “creamy kids.” Apparently, my “love is warped by leftover, damaging remnants of slavery and white supremacy…”
What’s funny is that I laughed while reading this sad and pathetic message. This woman also states that she sympathizes with me because her own mother has “suffered from the same affliction,” which explains why she has light skin and long hair. The fact that she has nothing better to do with her time than bash my family and me is hilarious.
You may be wondering why I decided to even waste my time writing a response. The answer is simple. I have two children, and they’ll probably read this some day. They’ll have to deal with racism at some point in their lives. My goal is to teach them the importance of not letting anyone dictate who they should be with, and not to let negative opinions define who they are as a person. Being in a healthy relationship is all that matters. I could have deleted her message. But, I have decided to leave it up on my blog as a reminder that racism is alive and well.
We’d all like to think that bigotry will eventually die out. But, that ain’ t gonna happen. For those who think that just because we have a black/biracial president we’re in the clear, think again. I won’t dignify this woman’s rant with an explanation as to why I married my husband. I won’t make apologies for being with the person I love. But, those who have a problem with it can go kick rocks with flip-flops.
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I am biracial, and my parents have the same physical dynamic as you and your husband. I can’t begin to describe to you the comments, dirty looks, and outright ignorance that I’ve encountered in my day (I mustered up the strength to open up about in this blog post: http://youngurbanmoms.com/home/2013/06/20/a-note-to-the-cheerios-ad-haters/). The one bit of salvation that I feel that I had is that I grew up with both parents in the household, and they always reinforced who I am – that it took both a black person and a white person to make me (which is why I feel most comfortable identifying as biracial), and that I was made out of love. As I described in my post, though racism is still alive, I feel like it will be easier for our kids. Just the fact that there is the “two or more races” option on identity forms helps, believe it or not! Keep your head held high and rise above the ignorance, and your kids will do the same.
I’m proud of you, there was obviously something wrong with that woman. I understand doing this for your babies, they will appreciate the love and time you out into trying to explain the cruelty of this world we live in. Much love and respect for handling this with class and a cool head.
I read your blog often and have never commented but I felt the need to do so today. I am absolutely appalled by what this person had to say. It baffles me that people can spew such hate and disrespect while hiding behind a computer. Unfortunately people like to project their bitterness onto others to make themselves feel better. I would like you to know that I admire you and that you have a beautiful family. Based on your post you seem to know this already but I would just like to say, please don’t let this discourage you. Continue to do what you’re doing and to be who you are.
Perfect! I don’t know why people think they have a right to talk about other people’s lives or give their unsolicited input!
Glad you are not dignifying her foolishness. You have a beautiful, healthy and loving family! That’s all that matters.
Wow. I read this post both shaking and nodding my head throughout. Sorry you had such hatred directed at you and your BEAUTIFUL family. Bravo to you for handling it like a champ!
I’ve commented before on your blog about my also being married to a “white” man and having a “biracial” child. I use quotations because those terms are simultaneously meaningless and so loaded. You’re right, having a black/mixed President does not mean we live in a post-racial society, as some proudly claim. Hence – I still get looks (from all sides) and have to deal with racial microaggressions (ppl being racist in subtle ways, either unintentionally or intentionally).
More love and less hate would make the world a much better place – I don’t care how sappy that sounds. Like yourself, we also hope to raise our offsprings to love who they are and understand bigotry..
Thanks for sharing. Excuse me while I mentally help you spread rocks so the haters can kick them…
That THING that sent you that trash email us mentally ill and extremely jealous of you. She was projecting her delusions onto you. Pay her kind no mind! I wonder if she says the same thing to black men who are with white women. Probably not because she is a delusional hateful jealous, excuse my french, bitch. She is not happy in her marriage to her black kang. You keep doing what your doing and show off your beautiful family as much as you want. Don’t ever allow hateful jealous demon bitches like her to ever police you or make you feel any kind of way. By the way I love your blog!!
Thanks so much Nicole. That woman must have some deep rooted issues.
So sorry that u have to deal with egnorant people who u married base on the color of your skin is nobody business is very sad that there are still people like this lady around which is why this world unfortunately won’t change ..I feel sorry for her that she is not seeing what we see a family that loves each other without thinking of skin color ..